Archive for the ‘wife’ Tag

Chicago Exhibition

One afternoon I thought I would go
To see the Great American show
Of which there was such a hallabou
Chicago Exhibition
I left a clerk to mind the store
A thing I had never done before
How long I would be I was not sure
But I thought it would take a week or more
So home i goes to my wife and I says
Business will take me away a few days
Tomorrow morning at six oclock
Im going to London (Landon?) to purchase stock
So call me at five for breakfast dear
And see my collars and shirts appear
Wrap them up so they will not crease
And pack them away in my new valise
When morning came it was pouring rain
I hustled around the cabin in vain
I tried to step on a passenger car
But I slipped and fell with an awful par
My new umbrella was knocked about
And turned completely inside out
But I wouldn’t a cared so much for that
If I hadn’t a tore my new silk hat
I also spoiled a suit of clothes
And tore the skin all of my nose
I fell in the mud on the broad of my back
My valise went flying across the truck
First it opened my collars and shirts
They went flying around the road in the dirt
When I got up I could hardly walk
But I managed to get down as far as the dock
The steamer was almost ready to go
In a minute or two the whistle blowed
I asked my ticket he answered No
Your not in a fit condition
Your a liar I roared as I jumped aboard
For Chicago Exhibition
And when I reached the famous fair
All kinds of people had gathered there
There was dutchmen with their sausage meat
And Italians playing out in the street
It was a dollar a piece for apple pies
They would do dam well for railraod ties
They had no fresh meat so they gave us a dish
Of slathery soup with turnip and fish
And after that great meal was done
I found that my watch and purse was gone
So up I jumped on the table quick
And I told the cashier that he would I thrash
If he didn’t immediately give me my cash
The table slipped and away I flew
And away went all the dishes too
A plate of soup my head went through
At Chicago Exhibition

** (Format leads to questions about this pieces status as song lyric)

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The Drunkards Dream **

** some quick research reveals this song is correctly titled ‘The Husband’s Dream”

Why Dermont you look healthy now
Your dress is neat and clearn
I never see you drunk about
Pray tell me where youve been
Your wife and family all are well
You used to treat them strange
But you are kinder to them now
How come this happy change

It was a dream a warning dream
Which heaven sent to me
To snatch me from the drunkards curse
Grief want and misery
I dreamed one night I staggered home
It seemed a silent gloom
I missed my wife where could she be
And strangers in my room

I saw my children weeping round
I scarecely drew my breath
They hugged and kissed her lifeless form
Forever cold in death
Oh father came and wake her up
The people say shes dead
Just make her speak and smile once more
We’ll never cry for bread

I heard them say poor thing shes dead
She led a wretched life
Greif want and pain have broken her heart
Who’d be a drunkard’s wife
I rose and staggared to my feet
And rushed to where she lay
And boldly kissed her once warm lips
Forever cold as clay

Dear Mary speak tis Dermons Call
Why so I do she cried
I awoke and true my Mary dear was kneeling by my side
I pressed her to my throbing (heart)
While joyous tears did stream
And ever since Ive heaven blessed
For sending me that dream

McCarthy’s Wedding

It’s just a year ago today I took to me a wife
And ever since shes proved to be the burden of my life
She’s the widow of McCarthy and McCarthy was her name
And changing it to Flannigan of course shes not to blame
She speaks about McCarthy and his worships everyday
And wished that I would sober up and be like him everyway
She beats me with the broomstick whenever the baby cries
And makes me rock the cradle from crown until I die

She licks me, she kicks me, she never lets me be
She lashed me and she thrashed me until I couldn’t see
She is the second party, she is my dearest hearty
She might have licked McCarthy but she can’t lick me

When I got home tonight no boys there’s going to be a row
Im going to see McCarthy as me me which is the best man now
And if she doen’t behave herself and learn to shut her mouth
And if she puts me into jail be [lads] she’ll take me out

We’re going down to old Blyth town on purpose to get tight
You’ll bet your life when I get home there’s going to be a fight
I’ll break up all the furniture before I do get through
I’ll smash up the kitchen stove the next thing I will do
Oh She is my second party and she is my dearest hearty
she might have licked McCarthy but she can’t lick me

F.M.M.

The Tenderfoot

Thought one spring that just for fun, Id see how cowpunching was done
And when the round up had begun I tackled a cattle king
Says he my foreman is in town
Hes at the Plaza his name is Brown
If you see him he will take you down
Says I thats just the thing

We started for the ranch next day
Brown sugared me most all the way
He said that punching was only play
That it was no work at all
That all you had to do was ride
Twas only drifting with the tide
The son-of-a-fun oh how he lied
He certainly had his gall

He put me in charge of a cowyard
And told me not to work to hard
That all I had to do was guard
The horses from getting away
I had one-hundred and sixty head
I sometimes wished that I was dead
When one got away Browns head turned red
And there was the devil to pay

Sometimes one would make a break
Across the prarie he would take
As if running for a stake
It seemed to them but play
Sometimes I couldn’t heard them at all
Sometimes my horse would catch and fall
And Id shoot on like a cannon ball
Till the earth came in my way

They saddled me up on an old grey back
With two set fasts on his back
They padded him down with a gunny sack
And used my bedding all
When I got on he left the ground
went up in the air and turned around
And I came down on busted the ground
I got an awful fall

They picked me up and carried me in
And rubbed me down with an old stick pin
Thats the way they all begin
Your doing well says Brown
And in the morning if you don’t die
I’ll give you another horse to try
Oh say can’t I walk says I
Says he yes back to town

I have travelled up and I have travelled down
I’ve travelled this country round and round
Ive lived in the city and Ive lived in town
And I’ve got this much to say
before you try cowpunching kiss your wife
Take a heavy insurance on your life
Then cut your throat with a carving knife
for it easier done that way